Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
