He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
