he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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