So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
