My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize