ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
