Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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