I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
