I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
