there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
