Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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