Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
