New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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