so explain again why im purple
no
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
