fuck your aforementioned shoe
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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