YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
