And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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