We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
