he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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