you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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