The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
