Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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