I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
