They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
