You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
