i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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