You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
