Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
