Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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