Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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