I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
