Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
