that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
