for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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