I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
