let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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