Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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