so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
...so i touched it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
