she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
