So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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