Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
