In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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