I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
