i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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