....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I love you.
Bad choice
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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