Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
