My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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