He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
