You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
