I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My vagina is very pro this idea
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
