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Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
