he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
