Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
