The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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