it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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