actually, I'm a sock model
You can't special order awesome
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
