I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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