I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
