Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
