Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
