why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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