I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
And then he peed in my hair
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