Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
