So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
