kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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