I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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