Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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