he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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