What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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