:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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