I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
