Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
