did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i would punch a child for taco bell
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
